The reality of the wedding is really coming into focus now that it’s only two and a half months away. Since my last Wedding Update, my fiancé and I have taken care of lots of business. We now have the rehearsal dinner booked, a decent registry, my hair/makeup people; our rings and invitations are on the way.
Still, there’s the wedding favors, the bridal party shoes (including mine), bridal party details like flower girl baskets, the ring bearer’s pillow (which will def require some customizations because our ring bearer is our dog)…what else? Transportation for the guests from the hotel to the venue, my own undergarments (apparently this is kind of a big fuss for brides), brainstorming more about the wedding flowers/decor, designing our actual ceremony and who knows what else I’m missing. Tasks seem to pop up from nowhere and everywhere.It's not easy being the perfect bride. Click To Tweet
One of the hardest things for me is maintaining face consistently when it comes to wedding planning time. I’d love to be able to smile at every single checklist and feel like a special happy princess 24/7, but it’s not really possible. I have hyperactive attention deficit disorder, which can come in super handy during creative times, but can also be a major deterrent when it comes to the less “colorful” and more structured tasks.
I’ve heard, “Nicole, isn’t this supposed to be like a happy exciting thing?” or “Gee, it’s not supposed to be torture,” a few times already from family members helping us plan. In my head I think, wtf? I worked all day, and now I’m supposed to be sparkly smiley for figuring out the parking situation at the venue?
What really sucks about this is that I actually am totally excited for the wedding. It’s a whole celebration of love designed and hosted by us. I am super stoked about it–it should be a night in paradise. When it comes to the planning side of it all, I just struggle with having to be stoked all the time.
The truth is I would not rather be highlighting and taking notes from Weddings for Dummies or pinning proper wedding etiquette pins on Pinterest; I would rather be driving out to the beach with my longboard or working on some trippy painting or even finishing up some work (like from my actual job). I’d rather be the bride at my wedding (not the bride planning her wedding! lol).
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only bride out there who suffers from the “but I don’t want to make consultation appointments and give them my credit card number” blues. Interestingly, though, I’ve noticed a gender double standard when it comes to expecting a smile to be plastered on getting-married-faces.
I’ve concocted a theory that perhaps the males have a more idealistic view of how a wedding is supposed to be and how a bride is supposed to seem. Women tend to emotionally vent to each other; so perhaps females are more accustomed to or less surprised by a stressed-out face. We too love the perfect bride fantasy, but we also know that it’s a fantasy.
The media doesn’t seem to help. Brides are like “Disney princesses” right? We are swept away by the twinkle of everything. Sometimes I do get the rush of that Disney feeling when I’m surfing the net for a perfect pair of bridal shoes, thinking about the twinkly lights of the wedding night or picturing my Prince Charming all handsome and waiting for me. I sense this magic particularly when I haven’t been at work all day or when I’m not rushing across town to get my hair sculpted and my face painted for a few hundred dollars (as a trial run I might add). It’s all context-based.
In a complete and polar opposite sense, the media is also the inventor of the “Bridezilla.” However insane the bridezilla may appear, she is also 100% obsessed with her wedding. Nothing else comes first. She wants it her way or the highway. So–in popular culture we are always portrayed as wedding obsessed whether in a super sweet way or in a crazy way.
So maybe, just maybe, the reason why guys are more hyper-aware of a bride-to-be’s reactions is because they have this predesigned idea of how a woman should organize her wedding as well as how she should feel about her upcoming wedding. When a bride does not seem to be as she “should” be, it must be pretty alarming in their heads.
The reality is (as many of us females know), that to be wedding obsessed is not a realistic possibility because we have to continue to perform just as well in all of our other life arenas while we are planning the wedding. There’s a lot to juggle. There’s so many expectations placed on our shoulders to be successful, sophisticated, organized, self-giving, maternal, generous, healthy/fit, independent, self-sufficient, but also vulnerable and a million more things.
It’s simply just not that easy being the perfect bride.All the wedding clichés are true btw. Click To Tweet I told my beau that planning a wedding has to be like the final test for a strong marriage. I mean if we can do this successfully, we can definitely do so much more.
I’m so pleased to announce that three of my poems, “Slots,” “Scraping” and “Make a Decision” have been published in Barking Sycamores Literary Magazine Issue 13. Barking Sycamores is dedicated to neurodivergent literature and its craft. I’m so honored to be a part of this project. Barking Sycamores Issue 13
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