You don’t need to be embarrassed that you dated him. It would be embarrassing if you were still dating him. – my wise mom
As many of you may already know from other posts, I’m recently engaged. I’m in a fluffy cocoon of new love and aspiration. My other half supports me in ways I used to think no one ever could. I’ve come to find that during those previous relationships, I was wrong, extremely mistaken, extremely dumb. With the peace and sanctuary I currently have in my relationship, I can take the time to look back and say, “WTF was I thinking?!”
15 Ridiculous Things Loser ex-Boyfriends Have Said to Me
1. “I am SO good-looking.”
2. “It’s like you love your dog more than me.”
3. “I had to quit! It was just too far from the beach!”
4. “Fake boobs are so much better than real boobs.”
6. “This chicken is too dry.”
7. “You don’t sweep enough.”
8. “You know I like it when you’re a smaller size.”
9. “You haven’t reached your hottest yet.”
10. “Can’t your family just leave you alone?”
11. “I don’t like reading.”
12. “We can just ask my parents for the money.”
13. “Those porno ads are popping up because of that celebrity gossip site you read.”
14. “I’ll be back soon.”
15. “I can’t go to school here. We need to move, then I’ll be able to go back to school.”
16. “I don’t need your help!”
“You don’t need to be embarrassed that you dated him. It would be embarrassing if you were still dating him,” my mom once responded to me after I expressed how ashamed and stupid I felt for getting caught up in such a loser’s web. “If anything, you should be proud that you had the wits and courage to walk away. Many women don’t,” she said.
I thought about those women out there, women living while dating narcissistic, egotistical men. The women, both young and old, supporting drug addicts, mooches, sexists and superficial freaks. What about those women dating men that aren’t afraid to knock them out in the presence of an elevator camera (literally knock them out like a boxer)? Or the women constantly being told to lose weight, to toughen up, to get some plastic surgery? I’ve seen women get invasive plastic surgery to please a significant other, only to find that another problem pops out immediately following.
These people that don’t or simply can’t walk away from losers always hang around my mind, because even if I did successfully walk away (more than once), I know that it still took me too long and that even if it only took a week, a month or a few years, I wasted time, energy and self-esteem on a loser once too.
They say its a bad habit, a habit that can come from all sorts of disfunction, low self-esteem, an abusive upbringing, distorted cultural traits & expectations, fear, weakness, poverty, an endless hallway of closed doors, loneliness and sometimes simply just not knowing anything else. The phrase, “to walk away” should really be revised to something much more complex like, “to escape and find sanctuary immediately, to then find enough time, money and therapy to fix your brain and then to find long term non-abusive support (which can be really hard if the survivor has no supportive family or healthy friends).”
Well, this post took a turn I didn’t aim to take. It was supposed to simply poke fun at all my ex-loser boyfriends, but the topic of loser exes is only funny after a while, when you’ve reached that place of peace that comes from full recovery. I’m unashamed to say I took care of my health in this sense a few years ago. Just keep in mind, for many (including perhaps some of you reading this) that are stuck in hurricanes of vicious cycles, it’s not funny just yet.
I’m so pleased to announce that three of my poems, “Slots,” “Scraping” and “Make a Decision” have been published in Barking Sycamores Literary Magazine Issue 13. Barking Sycamores is dedicated to neurodivergent literature and its craft. I’m so honored to be a part of this project. Barking Sycamores Issue 13
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