Yesterday, I had an epiphany about men. The morning started out quite normally. We checked the surf; it was a little too sloppy to head out. I worked on a few paintings; my fiancé took care of the plants and did some reading. We checked the surf again; it was better. We racked up the boards and headed for the beach.
The thoughts came to me while we were out there on the line up. While I waited for my own waves, I watched him take off on a few nice ones all the way to the shore. It was a cold day to surf in the tropics. I’m pretty sure this session was solely motivated by my own urge to surf regardless of the cold winds. Yet, as soon as I said I wanted to go, he shifted gears to focus on the new aim of riding out and catching waves. When we were out there freezing, he didn’t care anymore that it was cold, he just surfed. He was able to surf in the cold, have fun, catch waves and enjoy himself even though it might not have been his ideal choice for the afternoon.
How does he do it? It’s something he does well. When he puts his mind to it. It gets done, and it gets done without a weird mood or crappy performance or half-heartedness. I’ll admit that my moods get the best of me sometimes. I whine a lot more than him, and he doesn’t seem to mind. Even if he does mind, he’s a lot less likely to express an outburst than I am when I’m in discomfort or distraught.
It’s the truth that women get paid less than men, are more easily pushed around by our male counterparts (both intentionally and unintentionally), that we are featured as battered or ridiculously sexual in the media. However, as unjust or dysfunctional as this is, we are doing the same weirdness to men. The best qualities of men are overshadowed by the ones we worry about or the ones portrayed in media. How can any social balance be attained when we are bashing one side and then the other and then back again?
10 Traits Men Possess That Women Take For Granted
1. In making decisions, especially social ones, they can calculate the risk vs reward almost instantaneously and avoid situations or people that would otherwise bother them. They do this without guilt or a need to justify their actions to themselves or others.
2. They use their bodies as they should: without worrying about their butts, grunts or failures. Whatever the task is, opening a jar or catching a football, the last thing on their minds is how they look. They zone in on what needs to be accomplished.
3. They celebrate their heroes. They unashamedly admit their expertise in Steve McQueen, Batman or their grandfathers. They love them, use them for inspiration and know all about them.
4. They appreciate being pushed. As pissed off as they might sound or as defensive as they might come across, in the long run, they embrace the push, again seeing the good investments they made by overcoming challenges.
6. They’re not as superficial as we think or as the media portrays. Yes, they appreciate you dressing up, smelling good and looking good, but it’s not merely because of appearance, but rather the individual efforts you put out just for him (they see it as “you invested in them; you see them as valuable).
7. They’re easy to please. Dude, wear a t-shirt he’s said he liked once before, offer to get him a drink, fluff a pillow, play catch with them (even if you suck, they don’t care) and they are stoked.
8. When they decide to relax and have fun, they do. You may or may not know what I mean, but it seems like once they’re in leisure zone, they’re in the zone without looking back or worrying about the dog. They really don’t mind enjoying themselves.
9. They’re good at making friends. All they need is a common interest or passion, and they’re off! It’s like when given a common goal, they can focus on the goal more than the personalities.
10. They love to help, solve, fix or carry weight (both physically and metaphorically). Ask them to help you with anything, and they do. They’re much more protective and generous than we sometimes think or give them credit for.
What else makes men awesome? Please share. Let’s celebrate them!
Check out follow up post, Am I a Misogynist?
I’m so pleased to announce that three of my poems, “Slots,” “Scraping” and “Make a Decision” have been published in Barking Sycamores Literary Magazine Issue 13. Barking Sycamores is dedicated to neurodivergent literature and its craft. I’m so honored to be a part of this project. Barking Sycamores Issue 13
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