Zika, like a strong stubborn vine, has wrapped itself around my life. I’ve had to modify daily routines. My running mileage has been replaced by indoor workout videos. Zika is a resident the neighborhood can’t wait to get rid of.
You Know You Live in a Zika Zone When:
1. You don’t remember what wearing shorts feels like because every outfit you wear must be long-sleeved with pants.
2. You find yourself doing hundreds of laps around your sofa with your dog who also has cabin fever.
3. You’ve become obsessed with the babies you will have since the biggest and most discussed Zika danger is its adverse affects on the unborn. You shamelessly flail your maternal or paternal instinct to protect everywhere.
4. You’re not sure if your windows will ever be able to open again, and you’re too scared of Zika to check.
5. Every puddle of water is a pit of evil.
6. Your dog gets excited and associates any spray noise with going for a walk because, these days, you bug spray before every walk.
7. The news is making you crazy; you’ve been sitting in front of the tube for too many days, for too long, waiting for Zika updates.
8. Your perfume or cologne bottles grow dusty; “bug spray” is now your signature scent.
9. Your social life is gone. Your friends don’t visit you anymore because they are scared of getting Zika, and it’s always safer to stay in than to go out.
10. You feel a huge desire to sue the federal government for causing you so much distress and worry while you waited for them to sign the Zika research funding bill.
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